The Empty Seat Phenomenon
You walk into a room and frantically look for an available seat without pausing awkwardly at the door. Ah – perfect: you spy three empty seats, the ideal ‘pattern’ of safety. If you sit in the middle of those three seats, there won’t be anybody on either side of you. You sit, smiling contently to yourself.
Have you ever entered an auditorium, bus, or class room, and noticed how scattered the bodies are? Probably not, because that would be normal. This is what I call the ‘Empty Seat Phenomenon’, or the ESP.
The Phenomenon
It isn’t really a new idea (or even a ‘phenomenon’), but always interesting to think about and observe. There are even certain ‘types’ of the ESP if you look for them. Some people will enter a room and in the process of sitting down, notice they’ve chosen a seat beside an occupied one instead of an empty one. They’ll then attempt to smoothly slide into the vacant seat next to them as if it was their intention all along – yeah, awkward. Some have the uncomfortable situation in choosing to sit beside one or another (what criteria do people tend to use when choosing?). Some will pause weirdly at the door, especially if they’re entering a class already in session, in which case most of the seats are already taken. Some will enter quickly and proceed to walk calmly while everyone knows they are frantically searching for an empty seat.
The Norm
What is it that compels people to not sit beside somebody? Some people search more purposefully to find the seat with the most ‘person-less’ perimeter; others might be more lax, but they would still prefer to choose a seat with nobody on either side. People act this way because it is the norm, an unspoken rule of our society, and an implicit one, too. This tendency to avoid sitting beside people is so common that it is now built into our society. This isn’t a ‘rule’ made by any government, nor openly spoken by any one person. We just purposefully avoid sitting beside a stranger because it’s accepted as normal. Still not convinced how weird this would be? Think about it this way: picture a thousand-seat auditorium. There is one person sitting somewhere in the middle. Imagine somebody entering the auditorium, scanning the room, and finally settling down beside that one other person.
Now unless those two happened to be friends, most of us would agree on the abnormality of that situation. (If you couldn’t imagine the awkwardness of that situation, you’re probably the type who’d purposefully sit beside other people just to make them feel uncomfortable). So unless if you want people questioning your actions, follow the norm and sit by yourself.
People will probably shift uncomfortably in their seats as you plop down next to them when there are many empty seats available. You’ve successfully ‘stuck’ out as an individual. “Since you could’ve given me more room, why didn’t you?”; “Does this person find me particularity attractive?”; “Why is s/he sitting beside me?”; “… do I know this person?”; “If this person sneezes, should I say ‘bless you’?”, and even, “Should I say ‘hi’?” are all questions that could be running through his/er mind just because you broke the norm.
A Polite but Isolated Society
So where did the norm come from? Perhaps it’s because of our Western individualistic society, where it isn’t common for everyday strangers to interact. Along with this individuality, we have developed this air of privacy or personal space. By not sitting beside somebody, we get to avoid unwarranted conversation and possibly avoid the situation of the ‘awkward and slightly annoying seat-mate’ (you know, the kind who’ll make noises, shift all the time, and laugh real loud while jabbing you in the side with their elbows). As a result, we have begun to isolate ourselves and have convinced ourselves that sitting beside somebody is ‘too claustrophobic’.
Furthermore, the rules of interaction are vague because they can vary from person-to-person (ex. leave me alone, you can sit with me, you can sit with me if you don’t…, etc.), and we’ve also forgotten how to interact due to our constant isolation. In a group-oriented society, the rules of interaction might be more general and well known, because communication between strangers occurs more frequently (it would be interesting to observe if there are any differences between group-oriented societies and individualistic societies in choosing seats). Thus, ‘Leave people alone’ is probably the most general and ‘risk-free’ rule we can think of in an individualist society. Although ‘leave me alone’ is different from person-to-person, we can usually cover up this uncertainty with politeness.
Therefore, people might avoid sitting beside others not only because of the norm, but because they want to be polite. Take this Facebook group as an example of those who’ve been victims of ‘impolite’ seatmates [Take me there]. With more than 164 000 fans, these people have come together to fume about those who chose to sit by them, rather than an empty seat. So unless you want to became a celebrity on this page as a ‘bothersome seatmate’, sit by yourself.
Stranger, Here I Come
So we’ve mostly answered the question as to why most people would not sit beside a stranger given the choice. So what would make somebody sit beside a stranger? Upon the idea to blog about the ESP, I attempted to Google the concept to see what others thought. I stumbled upon a blog speaking of a similar topic [Take me there]. He interestingly notes that the chance of somebody sitting beside you is greatly increased should you remove your items from an adjacent seat as somebody approaches.
Why does this happen, and is it interpreted differently than intended? In my opinion, most people would move their stuff out of politeness, but not as an invitation. However, others probably interpret this as such, and ‘accept’ to sit down. On the other hand, somebody will take the ‘offer’ because they would deem it rude, or even awkward, to sit somewhere else. Others might take the seat because they’d rather sit with someone who appears to be a tolerable seatmate than gamble on somebody who could be a total sleaze. The heavily bearded sunglasses man, or the rather snobby looking businesswoman? If you had to choose between the two, the one who kindly removes his/her bag as your approach might be the best bet.
A person’s attitude/mood also has a large role in the choosing of seats. Some lonely singles might see this opportunity as a way to find a potential mate; others might feel particularly friendly that day and are looking for a conversation. Somebody just might like the company of a stranger. Generally, however, I think people want to sit alone. So in our individualistic society, politeness will tell us to sit by ourselves, but also to sit by a stranger. Strange.
Proper Seat Etiquette and the Context
So what is proper seat etiquette? Does it even exist? If you ask people, they will probably have different answers for you, depending on their personality or what context they’re in. Some might say, “Just don’t sit beside anybody – that way, you won’t risk invading their privacy”. Others might think it’s all right to sit beside strangers only if they are of the same gender. Others have no opinion; they’ll sit in whatever seat is closest to them.
There are probably more ‘rules’ of seat picking for buses than classrooms. It seems people in classrooms are generally tied together by being students, and so their motives are charged by this fact (ex. students with bad sight/hearing will sit in the front to hear the professor, students who want to slack off sit in the back, those who are casual learners sit in the middle, etc.). The probability of interaction in a classroom is also pretty high, and if students have to talk to somebody, they already have something in common: school. If something embarrassing happens, most people will forget it ever happened because their concentration will shift back to the professor’s lecture.
As for buses, the rules of choosing seats are pretty common sense, but politeness is especially important. Unlike a classroom, people are taking the bus because they need to get somewhere, so they generally expect to be left alone. People are simply just sitting and waiting; all eyes will be on you as you enter the bus, silently hoping you won’t sit beside them. In a moderately sized city, a trip can range from five minutes to an hour, so choosing an empty seat is extra-important (for you, and other people). You cannot assume you share anything in common with anybody else, so if you start talking to somebody, awkward silences are expected. Finding seats in this case can have a range of normal to extremely awkward situations. Embarrassing moments are long-term: if you see somebody prevent another from sitting beside him/her, everybody has the whole trip to think about that person’s rejection.
At any rate, it’s difficult to know what the proper or polite thing to do when choosing seats, because people possess a different degree of ‘stranger-to-stranger compatibility’. Intensely shy and reclusive sitters will probably glare at you to move on; others might smile at you invitingly (in which case, you’ll probably move on, too). Most people try to look normal when entering a room, but you can spot their awkwardness if you look.
Now that you’re finished thinking about how complicated choosing a seat can be, next time you’re in an auditorium, bus, subway, or classroom, spend your time observing people when they enter the room. Something incredibly awkward interesting might happen.
